Episode 6: Rotten Parents

Scene 1:

Dan Dullard is looking at mail order bride sites on the laptop he stole from work while pretending to look for a new job. Rick Patrick Dullard runs into the room with a baseball and bat, looking really eager.

Rick: Dad, will you show me how to hit a baseball better.

Dan: Be quiet boy! I’m busy!

Rick: But, the other kids say I throw like a girl…

Dan: You will burn in Hell if you keep disobeying your father. Keep quiet.

Rick runs back upstairs crying. Dan picks up the phone.

Dan: Hey Pal. You sent your boy to military school, right? Did it man him up?

Scene 2:

Later, Thelma Dullard is lying on the couch snoring, with a pork rind on her navel which is sticking out of an 3XL shirt that is too small for her. Her mind goes into another sexy dream about Rush Limbaugh. Thelma and the dream version of Rush are walking home from an ice cream parlor.

Thelma: Rush, you are such a man.

Rush Limbaugh, Dream Version: We’re almost at my place. I can’t wait to devour you.

Thelma: I can’t wait, you big hunk of man, you.

Rush Limbaugh, Dream Version: (opens the door and leads Thelma into the bedroom) Now, we can finally live our enormous, undying passion for each other.

Thelma: Oh Rush! (they kiss)

Rush Dullard runs downstairs into the living room. He sees Thelma lying on the couch, asleep and undulating.

Thelma: Rush, take me now! I’m yours.

Rush Dullard looks panicked.

Thelma: Let me be your dirty girl, Rush. I’ll do anything, anything.

Rush Dullard bolts back up the stairs

Scene 3:

Rush Dullard is playing a video game involving the lions killing the Christians with his little brother Rick.

Rick: I asked Dad to show me how to hit a baseball better, and he told me to shut up. I hate him.

Rush: Yeah, I hate Dad too, but it’s probably a good thing he didn’t.

Rick: Why? The kids at school keep making fun of me.

Rush: He can’t hit a baseball either. It would be like Mom giving out dieting advice. I’ll show you in a few minutes, but first, let’s kill us some more Christians.

Rick: Awesome!


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