Episode 7: Rush’s Best Friend Comes Out to Him

Scene 1:

Rush Dullard is playing Bible Fight on his best friend’s computer. Sean Coulter is laughing while watching Rush’s biblical character kicking some ass. Sean checks his goth eye shaddow and tricolor hair in the mirror.

Sean: Your mom rocks for warning us about this game.

Rush: (scowls) Dude, don’t ever say my mom rocks again.

Sean: (laughs) Ohhhh….all right. I just wish she would warn you about more evil stuff on the Internets.

Rush: Soon enough, I won’t have to hear her Jesusing at me all the time.

Sean: That will be awesome. By the way, have you figured out what you want to change your name to?

Rush: Well, I think I’ll use Dillon for my last name. It starts with a D, but isn’t as heinous as Dullard.

Sean: Still stuck in the J’s for the first name.

Rush: Yeah, I like Jason, Jeff…or maybe Jeremy.

Sean: Kicks the shit out of Rush.

Rush: I’ll tell you when I make up my mind. Mom and Dad will shit Bibles when they find out.

Sean: Speaking of telling something…I really need to tell you something.

Rush: Sup?

Sean: (nervous) I….can’t stand it. I have to tell you I’m gay.

Rush: Duh!

Sean: I’m serious, dude.

Rush: Yeah, I know.

Sean: Fucking shit. I’ve been worrying for three years about telling you and you already knew?

Rush: I knew you were gay since we were five or six.

Sean: And it didn’t bother you?

Rush: Nope, don’t care…. Ok, ok. That’s a lie.

Sean: (nervous) What do you mean?

Rush: I have to admit that it is way cool that if my parents ever found out, it would make them freak. (laughs)

Sean: (laughs) Yeah, your biggest dream in life is to piss off your parents.

Rush: If you had my parents…..Dude, wait! If you ever march in a gay pride parade, you have to let me go with you and carry a sign that says “I Love My Gay Best Friend.” Emailing the picture would make Dad’s heart stop, and it would make me look good to the smart chicks that turn me on.

Sean: (laughs) You’re so fuckin’ noble it makes my teeth ache. Let’s play some more Bible Fight.

Rush: About freakin time.

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