Posts Tagged ‘Madhulika’

Episode 1: Adventures in Grocery Shopping

Scene I

Thelma Dullard is out grocery shopping.  She grabs a couple of grapes off a bunch in the produce section and nibbles on them.   She spots Madhulika in the store.  With a sudden fury, Thelma stomps over to Madhulika, fists clenched.

Thelma: How dare you wear a burpa in this country!  You damned Muzzie!

Madhulika: (laughing) This is a sari, not a burqa. I am Hindu.

Thelma: You bet you’ll be sorry when you are roasting in Hell, Muslim!

Madhulika: Surely you know the difference between a Hindu and a Muslim…

Thelma: You Hindu Muslims all a bunch of sinners and terrorists.

Madhulika: Hindus aren’t Muslims. Many of the Muslims hate us.

Thelma: Jesus isn’t happy with you…

Madhulika: Do you read newspapers?

Thelma: I get all of my information from Christian radio, not the evil liberal media.

Madhulika: Do you know anything about the rest of the world?

Thelma: I know where you are going if you don’t repent, Muslim.  Turn or burn, jezzabelle!

Madhulika: (pissed off by now) How dare you!!! I’m a happily married woman!  How could you be so stupid? Did you even finish primary school?  Were you sleeping in class?

Thelma: I was not sleeping in class.  I was reading the Bible.  And, you’re not as smart as you think you are.  You aren’t smart enough to accept Jesus Christ as you one true savior.

Madhulika walks away, shaking her head.

Thelma’s 240 pound mass of a body is shaking with fear and loathing.  Her face is bright red. She has half a mind to complain to the store manager, but then she is distracted by a sale on pork rinds.

Scene II

Thelma’s cell phone rings while she waits in line to check out. It’s her sister Jane Thomas.  Thelma grunts and answers.

Thelma: I am so upset with you.  How dare you try to give my precious daughter one of the satanic Harry Porter books!

Jane: Satanic?  You’re not still going off on that are you?

Thelma ignores the woman in back of her in line who is giggling uncontrollably.

Thelma: Don’t make fun of me with your fancy college values.  Your professors brainwashed you into Satan’s way.

Jane: Sometimes I wonder why I bother… Anyway, there’s something I need to talk to you about.

Thelma: It will have to wait until next week.  I am a very busy woman.  I have four kids. When are you going to get married to a good Christian man and start having lots of kids?

Jane: All right, already.  I’ll call you next week. Bye.

Thelma: Jesus died for you.

Thelma hangs up.