Posts Tagged ‘Rush Dullard’

Episode 4: Those Evil Internets

Scene 1:

Rush Dullard is a rather awkward teenager, due to a lifetime of being embarrassed by his parents.  He is enjoying that filthy heathen blog, Godless Liberal Homo.  While Rush enjoys the insightful analysis, his main reason for reading the blog is the thrill in knowing his parents would shit if they knew.  Rush hears slow, heavy footsteps down the hallway towards his bedroom and closes the Devil’s own browser window.

Thel: (enters room breathing heavily) Rush, I need to warn you about something on the Internets.  There is an Internet called Bible Fight.  It is a sinful game that mocks our faith.  I don’t ever want you to play that game.  Do you understand?

Rush: Yes, Mom.  I won’t ever go to that Internet.  (His eyes are laughing, but not his mouth.)

Thel: That’s good.  Now, get off of the computer and study the Bible.

Rush: Sure, Mom.

Scene 2:

Rush dials his cell phone. On the other end, the last known Goth in town, Sean Coulter, answers.

Sean: Sup.

Rush: Sup.  I heard about the coolest web game.

Sean: What is it?

Rush:Bible Fight.  My Mom just warned me about it, so you know it’s got to be good.

Sean: Awwwwwwsome!  I’ll Google it.

Rush: This is the coolest week.  I found out my aunt is gay.  Mom is so pissed she’s wearing a black armband and she is up to three bags of pork rinds a day.

Sean: (laughing his ass off) Wow, up from two to three?

Rush: Yeah dude. And, she gave money to someone who said that he could change gays by giving them barbequed rabbit.

Sean: (laughing again) Damn, you’re Mom is such a freakin genius.  Are you sure you aren’t adopted?

Rush: I wish.  You know what else I wish?

Sean: That you already were 18,  and you could move out and change your name?

Rush: Other than that.  I wish I could be gay for just one day.  I would love to see my parents go batshit crazy.

Sean: Yeah, and I could pretend to marry you.  I got the clothes.

Rush: A haunted gay marriage.  That rocks!

Sean: Dude, I gotta go play the game.  I’ll let you know if Jesus is one nasty shitkicker.

Rush: Let me know.  Later.